Overeating

[Atticus]

ugh just ate two small apples (actual small ones), a really small bowl of veggies and baked beans and two mini bagels w. smart balance.

i just really felt like i needed it. i havnt been eating properly and so i really just needed the food and it was balanced, i really am afraid of my metabolism sinking really low again. I can't really afford that and I"m going home and I know Im going to be eating a lot w. friends and family and then the fat will just pile on if my metabolism is damaged now. so im trying to keep it up. i hate stress. its hard.

Hun, im not going to lecture you on how you need to eat more and stop starving yourself, but PLEASE try and get some help... i know its hard, trust me, but you actually need much more than you are allowing yourself.

[assilembob]

man...i went to Mr. Natural's in Austin tonight and ate an ungodly amount of amazing food...
potato salad (i really wish I could figure out how to make that stuff...SO GOOD), brown spanish rice, sunflower y tofu tamale, pinto bean tamale, black beans, a large strawberry lemonade, and two pieces of cake (one vegan dulce de leche with strawberries, one vegan german chocolate)

So full! The drive home was difficult because of it. Shouldn't have done it but I haven't gone in so long...

[moochbabe]

lol, that sounds like such yummy food! i'm with u atticus, it sounds scary how little wishin is eating, and although i know it's hard to make urself eat more, i know it's even harder when u try to do it by urself...maybe u should ask someone to help u, cuz trust me...u don't just get fat overnight, and u'll prolly go into a hyper-metabolic state when u start eating normal portions again, which means u won't have to worry about getting fat, ur metabolism will catch up. also, the body really resists change, and it takes a lot to gain weight...please believe me when i say this, and go for help!

[Wishin986]

Hun, im not going to lecture you on how you need to eat more and stop starving yourself, but PLEASE try and get some help... i know its hard, trust me, but you actually need much more than you are allowing yourself.

I know, I do really appreciate it. I'm just having an incredibly tough time with school work, overworking myself in general, one of my best friends being in the hospital w. meningitis still and other infections, my sister just giong into inpatient in the hospital and just feeling so helpless and guilty and just all around trying to keep it together with all of this. And I'm an incredibly strong person, but sometimes its draining, and sometimes I just want to give up and let go because I'm so tired of being strong. Sometimes I want to let the impulse take over and just consume me. But I wont. I'm going to find another therapist down south. I just have to figure this all out, and myself I guess also. ::sigh:: it will all work out, it always does. im just in a really incredibly tough place right now.

[moochbabe]

i am so glad to hear that ur going to find a therapist to help...i never want anybody to go down the ed road, once or more than that...

[Wishin986]

i am so glad to hear that ur going to find a therapist to help...i never want anybody to go down the ed road, once or more than that...

thanks, mee too. my therapist back home has wanted me to because i could only do the "accelerated" program w. her since we were both away on trips and such, but I always just said I dont have the time. And I really don't have much time, but thats more inentional to avoid things like this. So,i'll just have to make time. One of my favorite high school teachers I saw the other day, and she already knew some of the stuff but she had me talk to her about everything and she knew that i was tetering again, so she said to email her updates and to find someone down there for real this time. She even missed one of her classes to talk to me! I'm glad I have a lot of people outside of my family that are there to me, because my family has way too much going on to be there, and they always have, but I just have to let that go. And I have to work on not taking responsibility for it all and just trying to live my life and find good coping skills instead of letting go and falling into old bad coping skills. Its tough, but I'll be okay, I always am. Plus, if I let them in, I do have an amazing support group of friends and such soo hopefully I can stop this before I fall apart too much again. But I'm scared, I'm scared of going back into that. Im scared that I want that numbness. I guess I can't always be strong, sometimes you need a little extra outside help and I guess this time I really do.

[moochbabe]

i really know how u feel and empathize wishin. some of my coping skills, in case ur in need of any inspiration , are knitting, journaling, reading, and self-care like baths and things, also affirmations...hope this helps, i only listed that few i could think of...

[adam antichrist]

Insomnia, my ultimate downfall. Lets just say that october is a rough time of year for me, and with the end of year uni work stressors on top of that I am not having fun.

But if I can't fkn sleep I just want to kill everyone. The result is that it's 3.36am, I've been trying to sleep since 1, and I've just conceded defeat and polished off chocolate and buscuits (the only two instant gratification items in the house) and I've undone all the good work from only eating raw foods today (with the exception of cups of tea and a few slices of pita).

I swear I'd be a normal healthy human being if it wasn't for insomnia or in many cases the fear of insomnia which drives me to stay awake at night, and food is the thing which keeps me going through these long boring hours. I'm covered in fkn buscuit crumbs like some glutton. And I'd gladly eat another box if I had one...

[speedylemons]

Insomnia, my ultimate downfall. Lets just say that october is a rough time of year for me, and with the end of year uni work stressors on top of that I am not having fun.

But if I can't fkn sleep I just want to kill everyone. The result is that it's 3.36am, I've been trying to sleep since 1, and I've just conceded defeat and polished off chocolate and buscuits (the only two instant gratification items in the house) and I've undone all the good work from only eating raw foods today (with the exception of cups of tea and a few slices of pita).

I swear I'd be a normal healthy human being if it wasn't for insomnia or in many cases the fear of insomnia which drives me to stay awake at night, and food is the thing which keeps me going through these long boring hours. I'm covered in fkn buscuit crumbs like some glutton. And I'd gladly eat another box if I had one...

I know exactly what you mean!!!! I get sooo annoyed with myself because when it starts to get really late [and i'm either still up studying or i'm laying wide eyed and furious in my bed with the lights off because i can't sleep *or* i can't stop thinking about NOT being able to sleep] the only thing that seems to make the situation better [not really though] is food.. maybe im just insane.

[Atticus]

I know exactly what you mean!!!! I get sooo annoyed with myself because when it starts to get really late [and i'm either still up studying or i'm laying wide eyed and furious in my bed with the lights off because i can't sleep *or* i can't stop thinking about NOT being able to sleep] the only thing that seems to make the situation better [not really though] is food.. maybe im just insane.

Well, let me be insane with you cause the only way i can get some sleep is to stuff my face....hmm...

[moochbabe]

when i can't sleep, i try getting up and making some nice warm chammomile tea and maybe reading a little while i drink it...that always seems to really help. being on the computer or watching tv right before u sleep is a stimulant and sometimes can make it more difficult to fall alseep, although u'd think that it wouldn't cuz u feel so deadened, especially watching tv. i'm not saying that u guys have't tried it, i just figured i'd put my tried and true way of falling asleep ...